|*3rd April' 07*|

I'm really damn sick of it already. I'm trying to be humble but yet I think I just made myself being covered up instead. It has been so many years, and I thought I can maybe gain some achievement in Poly but yet again, I'm just on the sideline. There are Chances, but its not given to me. At 1st I just dun1 to complain, I'm just close 1 eye, but den more chances and still the same. So do I voice out or not. If I do pple will say I'm just trying to fight with them, I'll just be continued to be sidelined.
My voice lacked style and I tend to sound choral, and I produce the sounds wrongly. Usually due to nervousness and I'm just said to be not able to sing correctly. I'm just confused, its not I CANNOT, I'm just NOT CLEAR of how. Then I can't sing the solo part coz I blend with the crowd so it does automatically put me into an ensemble and no chance for solo. Fine. and den some1 who can't blend properly usually gets the solo coz he/she has style in the voice. Does it mean that I cannot, ever, fullstop. just like tt?

Then I'm poor in improvision on the piano. Does that say that I'm not good enough to be an accompanist? So I'm one of the pianist who can play but just not very flexible, well maybe I'm just not used to it? Haven taken lessons for too long and just not up to standard. So does that make me Unable to play? Not good enough? so I'm just automatically shan off? Yea I'm not as gud. Fine. I admit, but does it mean no chance at all? No good equal No chance? So many damn years and still stuck just like now and nvr ever able to impress pple. what does it mean? I'm just Not fit to be a Musician? Or I should quit performing arts totally coz There's just no hope for me at all?

Might as well ask me to quit on myself totally.

Yea I definately sound Unhappy. I AM. Its just damn Unfair. I lack confidence, I dun dare to say I can, den I end up like this, Hell so no one ever see potential and Hope in me is it. (I'm thankful to those who have.) Then why the hell am I still performing for. I know u're good but U dun haf to look down on me. Damn it.